take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
