I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
