I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
