College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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