i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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