I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Randomize
