you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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