I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
