sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
