I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
