So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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