My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think weed is turning my hair brown
3 2 1 whiskey
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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