I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
