Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
