CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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