I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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