I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she peed on how many people?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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