That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
