if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
