she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
