i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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