apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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