Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
