i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
