just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
