She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
