I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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