she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
