Will you blow on my dice?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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