Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
