"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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