a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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