He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
