Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
