i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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