im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
