If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
