i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
