I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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