I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
