??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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