the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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