Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
