So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
