reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
