drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
