i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
