my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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