Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
