I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How does one acquire holy water?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
