i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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