we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
