Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
